I was sexually, mentally, emotionally and verbally abused by my father as far back as I can remember until I left home at the age of eighteen. He did many terrible things. Some which are too distasteful for me to talk about publically. But I want to share my testimony because so many people have been hurt, and they need to realize that someone has made it through their struggles so they can have hope .
Abuse is defined as "to be misused, used improperly or to be wasted: to use in such a way as to cause harm or damage to be treated cruelly" Any time we are misused or used for a purpose other than that God intended us for it's damaging. And I realize many people can relate to this for some of you reading this article. I'm just telling your story. You know what it's like to live with a terrible shameful secret that is eating you alive..
My father was a mean, controlling and manipulative person for most of his life. He was unpredictable and unstable. As a result the atmosphere of our home was super-charged with fear because you never knew if what you did would make him mad or not.
We always did what he wanted to do, We watched what he wanted towatch onTV. went to bed when he went to bed, got up when he got up, and ate the meals he wanted us to eat. everything in our homes was determined by his moods and what he wanted.
The sexual abuse started when i was very young and when he decided I was mature enough. He took things even further.. From this point until I was eighteen he raped me atleast once a week. My father whom I was supposed to be able to trust and who was supposed to keep me safe, was the person I came to fear the most
I was so profoundly ashamed by this. I was constantly afraid. There was no place I ever felt safe when I was growing up I don't think we can even begin to imagine what kind of damage this does to a child.
At school I pretended I had a normal life , but i felt lonely all the time and different from anyone else. I never felt like i fit in, and I wasn't allowed to participate in after-school activities, go to sports events or parties or date boys. Many times I had to make up stories about why I couldn't do anything with my classmates. For so long I lived with pretense and lies.
What I learned about love was actually preversion. My father told me what he did to me was special and because he loved me. He said everything he did was good but it had to be our secret because no one else would understand and it would cause problems in the family. It became my burden not to let my pain cause problems our family. And as long as I kept this secret, I couldn't get free from the pain of it.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Tum bin jiya na Jaye,,,( A ture one sided love story.....)
Its a story of a boy named Ravi, belongs to a small town of Gorakhpur district of Uttarpradesh.He was a very jolly friendly and a little bit flirt. He really looks handsome because of his height . He was very happy with his life along with frieds. But suddenly his life came to change when a girl named Aarti came tho his life.
On 2nd Dec, 2006 on the day to his elder sisters marriage he came to meet Aarti. Aarti was his younger sister's friend. Who has come to attend the marriage ceremony. She was wearing a white well designed saree she was exactly 5'2' approximately. but the thing what Ravi loves in Aarti was her smile. He tried to talk her .........he just only started at her with the hope of talking her. He waited for the whole night but everything gone into vain. During the whole night while Ravi was willing to talk to her, at that time Aarti along with her friends were playing antakshari the turn was on aarti and she sang the song "TUM BIN JIYA JAYE KAISE , KAISE JIYA JAYE TUM BIN" ( A famous hindi movie song...)........... . There Ravi heard Aarti to sing and was totally flattered ans started loving her more. Frankly saying Aarti had a nice voice, and Ravi was mad about her voice ...he usually could be found singing this song after that incident..."tum bin jiya jaye kaise kaise jia jaye tum bin"
Ravi said " Aarti, I want to say something"
Aarti replied "what"
Ravi said "I like you, i mean that I love you"
Aarti replied " Like u or love u"
Ravi said I love you
Aarti replied in anger "today u r saying that i like u, i love u but some day u wil say something else"
Ravi tried to convince her but she got totally angry and disconnect the call.
Several days past, Ravi returned his home in a holiday. He went to his sister's house with the hope of talking with Aarti. He asked his sister to call Aarti. While his sister was talking he ws sitting beside her sister, and finally Aarti asked his sister to give the phone to Ravi. At that time Ravi himself felt very happy and he talked to her. Ravi asked for the phone no of her, firstly Aarti refused it but later Ravi convince her. to give her number.
Their relationship started to grow. On 22nd jan 2007 Ravi and Aarti meet each other in a mandir along with their friends. The gave puja and after that went to the resturant to have their lunch. There in the resturant Aarti asked Ravi not to call her for a month so that she can fell his importance in her life. But Ravi didn't agree. But any how Aarti convince Ravi not to call her for a monthy.
After that two days passed, three days passed and day by day passed but Ravi cant stay for a single moment with talking to her, so he called her. Aarti felt very angry and asked not to call her. Gradually as the day passed there is a gap in between there relation. Almost 2 months had passed when Ravi again got the opportunity to talk to her. There relation started continuing in this manner.
One day Ravi got the information that that Aarti is coming to Allahabad along with her friend that is on 4th may 2007. Ravi went to Allahabad to meet Aarti. Ravi was having his exam, he left the exam and went to Allahabad to meet Aarti all the way the lines of the song were being played in his mind and as the Aarti is singing for him in his ears....." tum bin jiya jaye kaise , kaise jiya jaye tum bin..... When Aarti saw him she was very angry, but gradually she changed her mood. They sat together side by side holding each other hand in the taxi, and ravi took them to their destination. Ravi was very happy after meeting his love. THen he returned to his hostel. He was having another scope to meet her on 16th may, on Aarti's birthday. He bought some gifts for Aarti, a birthday cake and some sncaks, chips, etc. He also celebrated Aarti's birthday with his friends in hostel. He went to Aarti's place to gift her those stuffs. But at time Aarti was not there. So he gave the cake to his sister and asked her to gave it to the Aarti and went away. On the day of her birthday he tried to call her but Aarti didn't recieve the call instead of her Aarti's elder sister recieve the call, he was very upset over these ongoing things. On 17th may, his sister called him and said that Aarti want's to talk her,Ravi felt as he got another life but whe Aarti talked he felt that nothing is left..........................
Aarti gave him a nice scolding and refused to take the gifts and cake ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,]
reason was always unknown.............Ravi was very sad and was able to understand that the his love is no more about to meet his fate.,..he is a looser,,,in tumbling voice he said Aarti to throw that gifts and cake into the Ganga...................sangam....
That
the last time when Raj heared simran's voice. After that 5 months has
already passed , raj is still waiting for simran and he has the feeling
that one day simran will surely come. Without simran raj is totally
useless.
That was the last time when Ravi heard Aarti's voice. 6 years have passed ....Ravi is still waiting for Aarti just not in condition to understand that Aarti is mother of one kid and wife of a government officer.
and Ravi...last time i got news that he started to take drugs,,,and later he lost his mental balance to some extent....
now he is moved to his parents and easily can be found singing the sweetest lines his ears had ever heard..."TUM BIN JIYA JAYE KAISE, KAISE JIYA JAYE TUM BIN"
his sister tried to ask Aarti what happened between them ,, but aarti didn't say any thing and after some time told her to not to call again..........
we all friends tried our hard to convince the Ravi for any other good girl,....but the only truth was that we had lost our friend for ever....
Saturday, June 15, 2013
o I went
to Kindergarten with my best friend when we were 5 years old and he
ended up staying at the schoo - See more at:
http://www.sadlovestory.us/2013/03/from-friends-to-lovers.html#sthash.irJEUNVF.dpuf
So I went to Kindergarten with my
best friend when we were 5 years old and he ended up staying at the school
until the 7th grade (the last year before high school) meanwhile I moved away
to New York and went to 5 different schools after Kindergarten. When I moved
back to Vancouver (where we live now) fate would have it that we ended up at
the same high school. Funny enough, we despised each other in the 8th grade, as
in we could not stand to be in the same room as each other let alone speak to
each other.
Over the years we both matured and slowly became acquaintances, friends and last year (our final year of high school) we became best friends. Throughout all of grade 12 (senior year) every one told us that we would end up together etc. but we would always say that nothing would ever happen between us because we were just best friends. We ended up going to our prom together solely as best friends. At the beginning of this school year I was to move across the continent again for university and obviously we knew we'd miss each other. But somewhere along the way I questioned if I had begun having feelings for my best friend. I didn't want to explore the idea because we lived so far away and I did not want to risk losing my best friend. But when someone who has known you for 5 days (my new roommate) tells you that you and your best friend are going to get married one day you can’t help but question it and question yourself.
So on September 20th 2012, I took a shot of vodka or 3 and skyped my best friend to tell him that I had feelings for him. when he didn’t respond right away I told him to forget I ever said anything, that I was an idiot, and that he can make fun of me but not tomorrow because it'll hurt but maybe the next day. He proceeds to tell me that "you are not an idiot." I was confused and didn’t know what he meant and he laid it out for me and said that I shouldn't feel like an idiot for telling him I had feelings for him considering he's had feelings for me since the summer and didn't want to ruin things by telling me before I left. At that point we said nothing would change and we would reassess when I went home for Christmas break. I ended up going home for thanksgiving (surprising him) and while I waited for everyone to board the flight to return to university he called me and asked me if I could be his girlfriend even if he hadn't taken me out on a proper date yet, I obviously said yes. It happened – from friends to lovers! We have been dating ever since. I can't foresee any reason why he won't be the man I end up with down the road. - See more at: http://www.sadlovestory.us/2013/03/from-friends-to-lovers.html#sthash.irJEUNVF.dpuf
Over the years we both matured and slowly became acquaintances, friends and last year (our final year of high school) we became best friends. Throughout all of grade 12 (senior year) every one told us that we would end up together etc. but we would always say that nothing would ever happen between us because we were just best friends. We ended up going to our prom together solely as best friends. At the beginning of this school year I was to move across the continent again for university and obviously we knew we'd miss each other. But somewhere along the way I questioned if I had begun having feelings for my best friend. I didn't want to explore the idea because we lived so far away and I did not want to risk losing my best friend. But when someone who has known you for 5 days (my new roommate) tells you that you and your best friend are going to get married one day you can’t help but question it and question yourself.
So on September 20th 2012, I took a shot of vodka or 3 and skyped my best friend to tell him that I had feelings for him. when he didn’t respond right away I told him to forget I ever said anything, that I was an idiot, and that he can make fun of me but not tomorrow because it'll hurt but maybe the next day. He proceeds to tell me that "you are not an idiot." I was confused and didn’t know what he meant and he laid it out for me and said that I shouldn't feel like an idiot for telling him I had feelings for him considering he's had feelings for me since the summer and didn't want to ruin things by telling me before I left. At that point we said nothing would change and we would reassess when I went home for Christmas break. I ended up going home for thanksgiving (surprising him) and while I waited for everyone to board the flight to return to university he called me and asked me if I could be his girlfriend even if he hadn't taken me out on a proper date yet, I obviously said yes. It happened – from friends to lovers! We have been dating ever since. I can't foresee any reason why he won't be the man I end up with down the road. - See more at: http://www.sadlovestory.us/2013/03/from-friends-to-lovers.html#sthash.irJEUNVF.dpuf
My first crush....
Iam kavita Iam about to narrate a love story of my teenage ,,,,i loved him and i got pain......
It was December a regular, cold morning in our school. I eas only an 8th grader. I had just gotten over my last 'crush', who had ignored me and talked wrong about me behind my back. This year had been very tough for me-my best friend had stabbed me in the back, half of my other friends left me, and almost everyone else around me hated me or didn't want to talk to me. I went through a time when I just wasn't happy and I wanted to be alone. That time changed when I talked to a boy named Satish.
Satish was different to me, but I didn't know it yet. I had met him inthe 6th grade, and he was amazing Then, we slowly forgot about each other. I talked to him again in 8th grade. He was alos so charmingand hilarious. He had the most beautiful hazel eyes, long, busty eyelashes. I had still been getting over my other crust at the time. Over winter break, I realized that I really liked Satish. I took the initiative, barely knowing how to handle a crush, and asked him if he thought I was pretty over a little note. Little did I know this note would mean to so much to me. On it, he simply wrote, "Yes, but not meaning anything.:" He handed it back to me and whispered "attractive" with a smile. I asked him frankly if he like me or not? he replied that he did not like anyone.
By this time, everyone had found out, and they all said we would make a very cute couple. Whenever I was down, I had him to talk to. He made me feel so good about myself. but there were times when I had been very suffocating , I wouldn't know how to handle it, I became very insecure and I didn't know what todo. And finally, I asked him if he liked me one more time,and he nodded no. I cried for hours. I had never been in a relationship yet. I realized that I had gone too far this time. Despite this, he apologized to me. He said that he didn't like anyone because I wasn't his type, and that he doesn't want to get hurt. I told him he had to open his heart, even if it means getting hurt.
We continued tobe friends. At 8th grade , he said that i was a good friend, and I told him I'd miss him. We hugged It was beautiful over the summer , I decided which high school I wanted to go to. It was not his. I always believed that if I kept trying that eventually,even if it took all of high school, we would be together. It was a gut feeling that I knew would happen.
For 6 months, I spent almost everyday thinnking of him. Other guys at that highschool treated me like dirt The called me ugly, gossiped about me, and were just pain meant to me. I wanted to be with him again. Everything had made me so angry. I wasn't happy at taht school. Somehow, I had finally managed to let my parents transfer me to his high school. It was too late. He already liked someone else. Still, we managed to stay friends. I tried to get over him , I tried liking other guys but I knew that I would keep trying and coming back to him I rayed to God we would be together. At this point I wanted to marry him, He had changed a considerable amount since middle school. But that didnot stop me . I knew he was the one for me and one night I even dreamed that all his friends had left him, and he said that I had become his best friend, we hugged like never before.
. I'm still here, trying High school is'nt over yet it may sonud patetc to you but when you know something is meant to be, you don't give up, they will come around , and you will be their rock.
It was December a regular, cold morning in our school. I eas only an 8th grader. I had just gotten over my last 'crush', who had ignored me and talked wrong about me behind my back. This year had been very tough for me-my best friend had stabbed me in the back, half of my other friends left me, and almost everyone else around me hated me or didn't want to talk to me. I went through a time when I just wasn't happy and I wanted to be alone. That time changed when I talked to a boy named Satish.
Satish was different to me, but I didn't know it yet. I had met him inthe 6th grade, and he was amazing Then, we slowly forgot about each other. I talked to him again in 8th grade. He was alos so charmingand hilarious. He had the most beautiful hazel eyes, long, busty eyelashes. I had still been getting over my other crust at the time. Over winter break, I realized that I really liked Satish. I took the initiative, barely knowing how to handle a crush, and asked him if he thought I was pretty over a little note. Little did I know this note would mean to so much to me. On it, he simply wrote, "Yes, but not meaning anything.:" He handed it back to me and whispered "attractive" with a smile. I asked him frankly if he like me or not? he replied that he did not like anyone.
By this time, everyone had found out, and they all said we would make a very cute couple. Whenever I was down, I had him to talk to. He made me feel so good about myself. but there were times when I had been very suffocating , I wouldn't know how to handle it, I became very insecure and I didn't know what todo. And finally, I asked him if he liked me one more time,and he nodded no. I cried for hours. I had never been in a relationship yet. I realized that I had gone too far this time. Despite this, he apologized to me. He said that he didn't like anyone because I wasn't his type, and that he doesn't want to get hurt. I told him he had to open his heart, even if it means getting hurt.
We continued tobe friends. At 8th grade , he said that i was a good friend, and I told him I'd miss him. We hugged It was beautiful over the summer , I decided which high school I wanted to go to. It was not his. I always believed that if I kept trying that eventually,even if it took all of high school, we would be together. It was a gut feeling that I knew would happen.
For 6 months, I spent almost everyday thinnking of him. Other guys at that highschool treated me like dirt The called me ugly, gossiped about me, and were just pain meant to me. I wanted to be with him again. Everything had made me so angry. I wasn't happy at taht school. Somehow, I had finally managed to let my parents transfer me to his high school. It was too late. He already liked someone else. Still, we managed to stay friends. I tried to get over him , I tried liking other guys but I knew that I would keep trying and coming back to him I rayed to God we would be together. At this point I wanted to marry him, He had changed a considerable amount since middle school. But that didnot stop me . I knew he was the one for me and one night I even dreamed that all his friends had left him, and he said that I had become his best friend, we hugged like never before.
. I'm still here, trying High school is'nt over yet it may sonud patetc to you but when you know something is meant to be, you don't give up, they will come around , and you will be their rock.
Please Marry me
In 2003 When I used to be in 10th standard i used to like a girl but never dared to tell her...i was very sad and depressed and then my best friend told me this story....after it I understood that love is nothing but just a medium of business.....if you got nothing to bargain you are of no use ......
You read this story and hope you will understand the moral,,,of this sad story....
There was a boy who loved a girl from deepest corner of his heart... that girl loved him too after 2 months of their relation girl wanted boy to marry her . But it was not easy for the boy because they both were teens and boy was not sure with his career... so he said we will do it later and i love you a lot...
2 year passed and the boy got a job in very reputed firm and said the girl to marry but now it was he turn of the girl to show ego and she denied as her parents would not be ready and she did not want to go in lifetime relation against her parents will. Boy was shocked by listening it and he kept silent for sometime and later he tried to convince her he predicted that his familly gonna get him married to someone he don't like...
Boy waited for some days and tried to convince her again but got no result...he everyday met her and tried to do the same thing and the ans from the girl was always in NO. he repeats the same topic but she didn't change her decision after some time boy became the patient of psychologist nothing changed between themas the girl was not ready to change her decision at any cost.
Time passed boy was silent all the times he lost his physical strength as well adn finally he died some how as he failed to marry the girl he loved........
You read this story and hope you will understand the moral,,,of this sad story....
There was a boy who loved a girl from deepest corner of his heart... that girl loved him too after 2 months of their relation girl wanted boy to marry her . But it was not easy for the boy because they both were teens and boy was not sure with his career... so he said we will do it later and i love you a lot...
2 year passed and the boy got a job in very reputed firm and said the girl to marry but now it was he turn of the girl to show ego and she denied as her parents would not be ready and she did not want to go in lifetime relation against her parents will. Boy was shocked by listening it and he kept silent for sometime and later he tried to convince her he predicted that his familly gonna get him married to someone he don't like...
Boy waited for some days and tried to convince her again but got no result...he everyday met her and tried to do the same thing and the ans from the girl was always in NO. he repeats the same topic but she didn't change her decision after some time boy became the patient of psychologist nothing changed between themas the girl was not ready to change her decision at any cost.
Time passed boy was silent all the times he lost his physical strength as well adn finally he died some how as he failed to marry the girl he loved........
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